The Two Gerudo Kings
by Mr. Light Chicken Bulbs
Summary: After 100 years in his prison, Ganondorf has escaped from the Sages' Seal and returned to the Gerudo to regroup. But you all know what happens in the Gerudo Tribe every century...
1. One Hundred Years Later

_This is just a little short story that I recently thought up the concept of and decided to post now... to announce my 17th birthday! Woo-hoo! I would have done one of my other stories but none of their chapters are close to ready. This'll be about 3 chapters long, no longer than 4. Without any further delay, even though if you didn't care about the author note you'd already be reading the chapter, I present The Two Gerudo Kings!_

_Published February 2, 2010_

"At last, out of that annoying Sages' Seal!" A dark form stood silhouetted in the moonlight, his massive build cloaked in dark black armour. He strutted across the plains of Hyrule with a vicious grin on his face, happy about his most recent accomplishment. "Those fools shouldn't have interfered, it's not like a prison like that could hold one with the power of the Gods!" He held up his fist, a Triforce glowing on the back of his gauntlet. "I HAVE RETURNED HYRULE!"

Lightning flashed, the laughing face of Ganondorf being revealed for the first time in one hundred years. His destination: the Gerudo Desert.

-Gerudo Valley-

"State your name!" the Gerudo gate guard ordered as Ganondorf crossed the bridge.

"I am Ganondorf. Open the gate," Ganondorf announced, staring down at his servant.

"I don't know a Ganondorf," the Gerudo said. "Gertrude, do you know any Ganondorfs?"

"I... I know... lotsa people," Gertrude slurred from the other side of the gate. "Big people... They got spears, and sharp things... Why do we use _spears_ anyway? I wanna cannon. A BIG cannon. One that shoots people, and it needs... it should be covered in spikes. Sharp spikes, like ones on a _spear_. Where's ma spear?"

Ganondorf ignored her. "I am King Ganondorf, the King of the Gerudo. Let me through right now!"

"King? You're not the king."

"Yes I am! I am the male of the Gerudo, which makes me king!"

"But you're not Gatondurf."

His eyes narrowed. "Who the hell is Gatondurf?"

"He's the king, if you followed the conversation at all you'd have noticed that."

Ganondorf stuck out his hand, silencing her. "I got that, it was one of those questions that is meant to lead you to explaining more information about him to me. I don't usually have to explain things like this! Use your brain!"

"Well now I'm definitely not opening the gate," the Gerudo said, crossing her arms and leaning against the steel gate.

"What?!" the King of Evil roared. "Why not?!"

"You insulted me. It hurt my feelings."

A growl escaped from Ganondorf's throat. "Enough of this!" He held out his hand and blasted the gate off of its hinges, the explosion of energy throwing the two guards to the side.

"Hey, you can't do that!" He walked past the broken gate, ignoring any protests of his actions.

"Thata _never _happen when I'M in charge," Gertrude snapped. "I'm a good leader... I'm a really good leader... _I _should be in charge of this whoooooole base. Nah, I- I just want the pool. We need a pool."

-Inside the Fortress-

A single throne sat at the end of a long, decorated room. Sitting on the throne was a large man wearing deep, crimson armour that was made to make him look ever more muscular than he already was. His red hair was short and slicked back, showing off a very vertical forehead. "So it's agreed," Gatondurf said to the four Gerudo before him. "We'll begin construction of the swimming pool in May and will be done by the end of the month."

The doors of the throne room suddenly burst open, flying across the room. A towering man with a trail of unconscious Gerudo behind him entered the room. "Are you Gatondurf?" Ganondorf demanded.

The new king rose to his feet. "What if I am?"

"I want my position back! I am Ganondorf, the one hundred and thirty two year old King of the Gerudo!"

"Ganondorf? You're the previous king?"

"Yes."

"The king who was defeated by the Hero of Time and sealed in the Sacred Realm one hundred years ago?"

"The very same."

"The king whose actions led to the Gerudo Purge which ended with the deaths of two thirds of the Gerudo population?"

"...That happened after my time, but it's very likely."

"Right. Go away."

Ganondorf walked further into the room, approaching Gatondurf's throne. "The living male Gerudo is the king," he said. "As I see it, I'm the older of the living male Gerudos. This makes me king, and you prince.

"A prince is the son of the king," Gatondurf countered. "You're not my father."

"You don't know that."

"Yes, I do. Someone find the rule book so that we can show this guy that I'm king."

A collective gasp filled the room. "We must find the Sacred Rulebook of the Gerudo!" one of the Gerudo exclaimed.

"You mean the holiest book in the land, the one that was locked deep underground in a magical diamond safe to avoid its misuse?"

"Yes my friend, the great codec of our people."

"GO GET IT!" Ganondorf roared.

"Don't yell at me! Who do you think you are?"

"For crying out loud… I'm the king!"

"No, I'm the king!" Gatondurf interjected.

Ganondorf sighed, shaking his head as the Gerudo ran off to find the rulebook. "Look, either we stop arguing about this until they get back or you just admit right now that I'm the king. Choose now."

"You aren't the king!"

"That wasn't one of my choices."

The Gerudo returned with a dusty, falling apart book. "Found it."

"You were gone for ten seconds!" Ganondorf crossly exclaimed, an eye twitching. "I thought it was deep underground or some shit like that!"

"It turns out that I had it all along," the Gerudo holding the book joyously told him. The group all laughed merrily, ready to leave the issue behind them. Ganondorf ground his teeth together, holding out his hand and taking the book with magic. He flipped it open to a random page and began to look through it randomly.

"I know where it is," Gatondurf said. "Let me find it."

"No! I won't let you have any edges over me, so you don't get the rulebook!" He stopped on a page. "Did anyone else know that we aren't supposed to wear socks?"

-Ten minutes later-

"Here we go." Ganondorf slammed the book on a table. "The sole living male of the Gerudo Tribe is to be the king of its people. See section three for kingly duties. Should there be no living male yadda yadda, skip a bit... Should there be more than one male living at once refer to section eight. DAMMIT!"

He went through the pages for another minute.

"Aha! All living males are given equal authority until either A: they have agreed to divide control and take over an equal, separate part of the forces or B: enough die for there to only be one ruler. So that settles it. You need to die."

Ganondorf covered his fist with dark magic and swung around, throwing a punch at Gatondurf's head. Gatondurf swiftly dodged, stepping away from the other king. "What the hell are you doing?!"

"I think it's obvious that I'm trying to kill you."

"He's right sir, that was a stupid question," a random Gerudo added.

"See? Now..." Ganondorf attacked again, beginning their intense, heart-stoppingly awesome battle... which will not be in this chapter.

_I was tempted to put Friendship for the second category as a joke, but nah._


	2. Conflict of Interests

_Published February 7, 2010_

"Sir, the king of Hyrule has sent a messenger," a Gerudo announced as she entered the throne room with a Hylian man tailing close behind. "He has come with a message."

"Yes, I assumed that," Gatondurf said from his golden throne. "What is it that you have come to tell us?"

The messenger went down on one knee, bowing his head slightly. "My liege has requested that our trade treaty be expanded to cover your special Desert Radishes. In exchange for this, he is willing to send you vast quantities of-"

"Remove the messenger's head and send it back in a box," Ganondorf interrupted from his own throne that was positioned beside Gatondurf's. "Chop-chop."

Gatondurf glared at Ganondorf before returning his gaze to the terrified messenger. "Ignore him. Continue with what you had to say."

"Y-yes sir. My king is-"

"Hold it!" Ganondorf stood up and leaned against Gatondurf's throne with a huge smile on his face. "In case you haven't noticed, I have authority here too. My authority is telling me to cut this guy's head off and send it back in a box labelled 'King's birthday cake, from your friends the Gorons'. Deny me this right and I will ensure that you regret it for the rest of your miserable, insignificant existence. I have experience at this kind of thing, and trust me, you don't want to make me angry."

The other king rolled his eyes. "You were angry on Tuesday and I didn't regret it."

"Oh really?" Ganondorf gave his ribs a light punch. Gatondurf almost flinched as the area throbbed in pain but refused to give Ganon the pleasure of watching him react. "I know that hurt. I stabbed you there. Repeatedly. Now where are the decapitators?"

"No decapitating." He faced the messenger. "We will discuss this later, you may go. I have a problem to deal with right now."

The messenger nodded and quickly fled from the room to Ganondorf's displeasure. He managed to keep a smile on his face despite this setback. In fact, the older king's smile grew. "Oh you'll definitely regret that." He broke into laughter and spun in the other direction, leaving the room. When the door closed his laughter was muffled, but still present. The laughter went left and up a staircase, then across a hallway that was above the throne room. It then ascended a spiral staircase, slowly fading in the same spot. The laughter turned to a cry of surprise and then screams before ending in a much closer crash. There was a moment of silence before the laughter started up again.

"You could always agree to split the forces 50-50," a Gerudo said to Gatondurf. "You know, take the international relations part for your own."

"And give him total military control? No, that's not an option."

Ganondorf's head poked into the room. "Did I hear something about giving me total military control? If so, I would _gladly_ let you have power over anything else that you want."

"No!"

"Fine, fine, it does have to be a consensus from both parties to split. You're allowed your opinion on anything. But remember that I can have my own opinion as well, and it won't ever agree with yours..." He broke into maniacal laughter, closing the door between the two kings.

-The following day-

"I propose these." Ganondorf lay down a blueprint on the main table.

Gatondurf looked up from his own work desk and skimmed over the blue sheets. "What exactly is it?"

This is where Ganondorf grinned. "It's a five story spike launching death machine. Fourteen wheels, brakes to stop hill sliding, and capable of firing one hundred four foot crossbow bolts every volley. It can store up to twelve volleys at a time and takes two seconds to switch between them, letting me fire twelve hundred bolts in less than thirty seconds. Surprisingly mobile."

Gatondurf blinked. "No."

"Too bad, construction has already started." He pointed at a window which Gatondurf then looked out, his eyes widening as he saw the lower half of the five story spike launching death machine.

"How did you make so much so quickly?!"

"It turns out that when you're not there to argue with my orders, the Gerudo listen surprisingly well. I just told them to build this and they started construction immediately after a few threats and displays of power." He stuck his head out the window. "I want that thing done by sundown!"

"Sir yes sir!"

"Can do!"

"Don't kill me!"

"See? The perfect workers."

-That night-

"You, make me something to eat," Gatondurf ordered a Gerudo to do.

"You, don't make him anything to eat," Ganondorf quickly added. The Gerudo glanced back and forth between the two king, conflicted.

"Make me food or you die."

"Make him food and you die."

The Gerudo screamed, running out of the room and jumping out of a window. She landed on the ground and continued running, going into the desert and disappearing in the sand.

"That really didn't help her anxiety disorders."

"I win."

Ganondorf went to inspect his death machine at sunrise on the following morning. Gatondurf, not trusting him alone, tailed him. The younger king ducked behind a large rock positioned in the middle of the clearing, listening carefully to the older king's words. "I see that the craftsmanship of the Gerudo has improved," Ganondorf commented to a nearby Gerudo as he ran his hand along an edge. "Not a single splinter yet."

"King Ganondorf, what exactly is this?"

"This, my loyal subject, is going to be what gets me ultimate power. I will storm Hyrule Castle with it and find those who possess the other two pieces of the Triforce. You should watch, it will be very entertaining."

Gatondurf jumped out from his hiding spot, glaring at Ganon. "So that was your plan all along!"

"It's been my plan for over one hundred years, I think that most people would have been able to predict it by now," Ganondorf half-heartedly commented. "We will move out in exactly three days."

"No, we won't! We aren't going to attack Hyrule!"

Ganondorf snorted, approaching him with anger in his eyes. "Give me one good reason that we shouldn't."

"Times have changed since your barbaric rule," Gatondurf angrily argued. "We're allied with Hyrule now and it is beneficial to us. First lesson of Kingship 101: don't kill the people who help you!"

"Ah, but one thing has _not_ changed since my barbaric rule! Hyrule sucks and I am awesome, making your reason null and void. So with you having gained their trust now is the perfect time to invade with minimal opposition. In fact, I've already sent out a messenger to organise a meeting between myself and the king, to introduce myself to them," Ganondorf explained as he continued to inspect the death machine. "Oh, now I can light the bolts on fire! I like the initiative, people."

"Hold it!" Gatondurf grabbed Ganondorf by the shoulder and pulled him away from the death machine, forcing the elder against a wall. "You've been starting a war behind my back in the two days you were here for?!" Ganondorf happily nodded. He found a fist impacting with his stomach and fell over, swearing loudly.

"That's where you stabbed me you bastard, watch where you hit!" He lashed out with a head butt, pushing Gatondurf against the side of the death machine. "Don't interfere with- Wait, what am I saying? Interfere all that you want, it will just end up being hilarious." Ganondorf rose to his feet and jumped into the air, landing on the side of the wooden structure. Using some handles placed on it he began to climb it, laughing at Gatondurf the whole time.

"That son of a bitch," Gatondurf snarled under his breath. "I need to do something about this, once and for all!"

Who will end up being king? How will Ganondorf's invasion of Hyrule turn out? Will Gatondurf be able to get rid of Ganondorf or is the king of evil going to find a way to stay for good? Find out in the intense conclusion of A Tale of Two Kings!


	3. Invasion Countdown

_For the record, the main reason I wrote this story was for the last part of this chapter and the food scene from the last chapter. They were what I was imagining when I thought 'two Gerudo kings... I wonder how they'd get along.' Especially the food scene._

_Published February 11, 2010_

"Halt! State your name."

"Gatondurf." In the midst of night a meeting was taking place in Hyrule Field, a meeting between Gatondurf, one of the two Gerudo Kings, and three knights of Hyrule Castle. "Did you get my message?"

The knights paused for a moment. "Well," one began, "the message said to meet here and we _are_ here. That-"

"Yes yes, stupid question. You may be asking what it is that I want to talk to you about."

"Not really, you detailed that in the letter too," the same knight responded. "Ganondorf escaped from his prison and is now with the Gerudo again, planning an invasion two days from now. You wrote your own letter, right?"

While this debate was happening, a figure sat behind a nearby tree. He was calmly leaning against it, his arms pillowing his head as he listened to the conversation. "So that's your plan," Ganondorf muttered to himself as he heard the four plotting against him. "Well my dear Gatondurf, know that I know your every move, and that nothing you do will ever escape me. Oh yes, this act of betrayal will not go unpunished!"

"Did you hear something?" Gatondurf asked.

The knights went quiet but all they could hear was, "Uh... Cricket! Cricket! CRICKET!"

"Just a grasshopper."

"Cricket! Are you fucking retarded?! Cricket!"

"Ignore the buffalo," another knight interrupted. "If you want Ganondorf to be resealed, you'll need to capture him for us. Any ideas?"

"One," Gatondurf said with a grin spreading across his face. "One that he'll never see coming."

"Oh but I will... Cricket."

-Gerudo Fortress, Invasion Countdown: 2 days-

"Hello there my fellow king!" Ganondorf greeted from his throne. As Gatondurf entered the room he sent a suspicious expression toward Ganondorf.

"Hi..."

"Well, just two days until the inevitable invasion of Hyrule Castle!" Ganondorf exclaimed. "Would you like to hear my incredible, unpreventable plan?"

"Okay..."

"All right!" Ganondorf leaned forward, placing his elbows on his knees and tenting his fingers. "First, the escorts for the meeting I assigned with the royal family will come here. They'll get killed, and we'll disguise some people to look like them. Once they get to Hyrule, they'll open the city's main gate, and kill the guards. We'll roll the death machine inside and lay waste to the city while I go do my thing. If you want, I'll let you fire the death machine once."

"I'll pass." Gatondurf sat on his own throne. "Now onto today's business. Since you put every single worker on the death machine project, and we need food. Who's going to hunt for our food today?"

"You can do it. I'm comfy." Ganondorf stretched his legs, placing them on a footrest and relaxing his body. "Ah, satisfying... **GERTRUDE**!"

Gertrude was sudden in the room. "Yes sir?"

"Is that pool done yet?"

"Yes actually. It's really awesome."

"Good. Gatondurf, I am going swimming."

Ganondorf began his walk to the pool, stripping along the way. He didn't notice a small smirk form on his fellow monarch's face. "Good. Now I have time to make it," he spoke cryptically.

"Why's that good?" Gertrude asked him. "Didn't you go insane last time he ditched work to do some leisurely activities?"

"I have a better question! Why does everyone insist on pointing out all my flaws?!"

Ganondorf stroked his chin as he stared up at the death machine. "I need a beard." He then continued his trip to the pool. It wasn't a large pool, or a small pool, or even a medium sized pool. It was just a pool. "YOU! Would I look good with a beard?"

"Not really, it would-"

"Your opinion means nothing! YOU! Would I look good with a beard?"

"You already asked me."

"No, not you."

Meanwhile, Gatondurf had relocated to the fortress kitchens. "Are you sure that you should be cooking?"one of the cooks hesitantly asked him.

"Don't worry, I'm just making something for you to add to Ganondorf's food tomorrow at lunch," he answered. "Put it in his food tomorrow at lunch and I win."

Ganondorf watched this from inside the vents used for draining the fumes from the room. "Oh, you believe that you have me Gatondurf. But you're wrong. I see your plan and have one of my own, one that is far superior!"

"Now I know I heard something this time!"

"Chirp chirp!"

-Invasion Countdown: 24 Hours-

"Lunch is ready!" a chef announced as two trolleys of food were rolled into the throne room.

"I love lunch!" Ganondorf exclaimed happily as his food was handed to him. It was a large green scorpion leg, the carapace containing very tasty meat inside. Gatondurf watched him closely. The food was drugged so that he would be out for almost a day; it was potent stuff. Ganondorf licked his lips, taking the leg from the chef and licking his lips again. He grinned, but not from the food in his hands. He knew what Gatondurf had done and it was time to make his own move. This was the big moment; this would put him back on top.

He turned and punched Gatondurf's face, the hit flipping him off of his throne. "What the hell are you doing that for?!"

"I see you've learned!" Ganondorf exclaimed, cracking his fist. "Well you and I are going to have another battle, but this time I don't plan on letting it remain a draw. Oh yes, I'm going to end this game of cat and mouse of ours, and when the battle is done I shall be the only one standing!"

"What the hell are you blabbing about?"

Ganondorf released a laugh from his lips. "All questions will be answered soon enough, my royal foe, though I'm afraid that you won't be breathing enough to gain that knowledge. For you will be dead, and I shall be the king!" He flew at Gatondurf, his fist covered in dark magic as he threw another punch. The downed king rolled to the side and managed to avoid the hit, watching as the his fist exploded the ground in a shower of stones.

He drew his sword, preparing the fight the magic wielding Ganondorf. "Deep down I knew it would come to this. That my plan wouldn't work and I would have to resort to another-" Ganondorf threw a white ball at him which Gatondurf narrowly evaded. "I didn't attack you during your speech!"

"Well, don't you feel so silly now?" Gatondurf stabbed and Ganondorf easily sidestepped, although this was expected. He followed up with a series of slashes, a few of the hits managing the get the King of Evil but none getting through his armour. He ended his barrage with a spin, but before he could finish his spin Ganondorf gathered more energy in both of his palms and crashed them together, fusing the balls into one and thrusting it at Gatondurf. It hit dead center in the chest, the force of the blow almost knocking the sword from his hands. He staggered but recovered quickly, grabbing the hilt of his sword with both hands and attacking again.

Ganondorf grabbed the sword in his hand and snapped the blade in half, dropping the fragment to the floor. "Oh come on!" Gatondurf growled. "There's no way that that didn't hurt!"

"Somewhat," Ganondorf muttered, shaking his hand. "Though I think it was sympathy pains."

"For what...?" Gatondurf cautiously asked him.

He kicked Gatondurf's knee, hitting him off balance and elbowing him in the face. "Nothing, I was just messing with you a bit. I bet you expected me to go 'this!' and hit you or something like that. But no, I'm classier than that."

"Son of a bitch..."

"Call my mothers whatever you want, it won't hurt me at all."

"Mother_s_? As in plu-" Ganondorf grabbed him by the throat and threw him against his own throne, cracking the back of it. "Why do I keep talking?"

"An excellent question." Ganondorf flew up to him and placed a foot on the younger man's chest, pinning him to the stone. "This throne room is really cluttered. It needs one less throne. Probably mine, it has a lot less grandeur than yours does. And I know you did it like that on purpose!"

Gatondurf brought up his broken sword and stabbed Ganon's armoured thigh. "Was that supposed to do something? A little blood loss is nothing to the King of Evil."

"Wanna know what _is_ something to the King of Evil?"

"Sure."

"If I were to crash a twelve foot log on your head."

"That would do something. It's a shame for you that you don't have that."

"Yeah. It's times like this I wish I did." He grabbed Ganondorf's foot and muscled it to the side, leaping forward to punch him in the jaw. This was followed up with hit after hit, his blows giving Ganondorf no time to recover. With one last hit Ganondorf reeled back and fell onto his ass. "Now who talks too much?!" He jumped into the air and delivered a falling elbow to his ribs.

"Dammit!" Ganondorf roared. He pushed Gatondurf off and held up his fist, the Triforce of Power glowing. Ganondorf flashed with light and in a few seconds was an immense bipedal boar with massive horns and two golden swords. He roared into the air, the room shaking from the sheer intensity.

"That's not fair!" Ganon pulled an arm back and swung, the hit missing Gatondurf but going straight through the wall. He pulled the sword out and then attacked again, Gatondurf barely evading. Unfortunately he was unprepared for the beast to swing a hoof forward and horse kick him in the face, send him flying head over heels across the room. Gatondurf crashed to the floor, rolling onto his back. He was barely conscious at this point, blurrily seeing the monster storm over to him.

Ganon smacked him until he was out cold and laughed to himself as he picked up the helpless Gerudo King. It was time for phase two.

-Invasion Countdown: 30 minutes-

The first thing that Gatondurf noticed upon awakening was that he was tied up and wrapped in some sort of black cloth. Someone was also carrying him until they dropped him on the ground. "Here you are, the Gerudo traitor Ganondorf." That was Ganondorf's voice.

"Good job," a knight said to a now red armoured Ganondorf. "What happened to your face?"

"Oh, this?" Ganondorf fiddled with one of the many bandages wrapped around his head. "The bastard got me with a good hit and I'm sure that you wouldn't like to be staring at all this burnt flesh for our whole conversation. Not to mention the sandstorms, they hurt."

"I see," the knight said. "Thank you for apprehending such a dangerous man for us Lord Gatondurf."

"No problem, he was getting in my way a lot anyway," Ganondorf said, waving off the praise. Gatondurf began to struggle, his gag preventing his words from coming out fully formed. "Looks like he's up. Feel free to kick him at any times you want. Lethal blows won't work, he's the King of Evil after all. Just bring him to the Sages and whatever you do don't take the cloth off. It's repressing his magic powers so he'd be able to blow you all to pieces if you do."

"Can do." One of the knights was trying to lift up the struggling bundle. "Someone rough him up, can't have him doing that the whole trip."

"Sure thing." Someone took out a huge club and slammed it down on the screaming man until he stopped moving again. "That'll keep him out for a bit."

"Hey, I want to do that!" Ganondorf grabbed the club and smashed it between Gatondurf's legs. Despite having been unconscious and gagged he screamed, rolling around in pain. "Thank you."

As the knights left to seal up Gatondurf in the Evil Realm without even knowing what they were doing Ganondorf pulled the bandages off of his face. He waited patiently as some Gerudo rolled the death machine into the area. "Well that wraps that up. Set that thing on fire, it doesn't actually work. I was just messing with Gatondurf."

"Lord Ganondorf, thirty people died making that."

"They will be remembered. Write their names down on something and then burn the list with it. Throw some fireworks in while you're at it. They'll make it flashy."

"Yes sir..."

Ganondorf strutted to the throne room, and upon entering the worn room he blasted his old throne to pieces and took a seat on the larger, somewhat cracked throne. He sat in silence, basking in the glory of the victory over his foe. "I'm awesome."

_An interesting plan, eh? Well, I hope you enjoyed this because I liked writing it. Now time to go decided what to update next. It'll probably be GoW again, it's the easiest to get inspiration for._

_See ya soon!_


End file.
